It's a man's world

I've been in Botswana for six months now. I've had my fair share of ups and downs. I've helped organize a major event that attracted international press, I've been up close and personal with lions, leopards and wild dogs in the beautiful bush of Botswana, and I've made some really great friends. I've also done four courses of antibiotics for various ailments, been sick more times than I thought humanly possible and continue to struggle with the HIV and AIDS epidemic and the seemingly blazé attitude of many about this virus and disease, and why exactly it keeps spreading like wildfires in Botswana.

But my biggest struggle has been the gender gap and how this paternalistic society has not only contributed to a complete lack of women's rights, but also to the rapid spread of HIV.

While polygamy is not widely practiced, it is not uncommon, actually it's far too common, for a man to have a wife and numerous mistresses. A friend  recently revealed how she found her boyfriend in HER bed with another woman. He told her to spend the night on the couch while he continued with his mistress.  She did. And he is still her boyfriend today. I was outraged when I heard this story. Sure, I've taken crap from guys before. Most women have, but I would never allow myself to be disrespected in such a way. I wondered why this successful, beautiful and seemingly level-headed woman would accept such behaviour?

A conversation with my friend Sharon revealed why many intelligent women accept this behaviour and why equal rights is far from being a reality in Botswana. Sharon indicated that many women are raised to accept this kind of behaviour. Young girls learn from their mothers that they are second-class citizens; that men will drink away their food budget, force them to have sex and beat them if they don't comply and that in all likelihood, their partners will stray. Their mothers have suffered the same fate and don't believe their daughters will find anything better. When daughters talk to their mothers about cheating boyfriends or husbands, the mothers will often tell their daughters to let it go and stay because "they will never find a man that won't cheat." Also, since women are raised in a society where the man will provide for you, it is a trade off to accept that he strays.

One wonders why any woman would accept being a mistress. How can we promote cheating and do this to our fellow women? Well, mistresses get gifts, money, groceries, etc. Men provide for a girl's family and oftentimes are that family's main source of income. It's one step above prostitution which some women are also pushed into by their families to make a quick buck.

It's easy to see why the HIV incidence rate is on the rise again. 

So what's a Batswana woman do to? Educated women still make 30 percent less than men while doing the exact same job. It is still legal for a husband to rape his wife. And worst of all, mothers are still teaching their daughters that they cannot survive, cannot have a good life without a man, despite how badly he might treat her and even thought his behaviour might kill her.