leth-ar-gy

leth·ar·gy 
[leth-er-jee]
–noun,plural-gies.

the quality or state of being drowsy and dull, listless and unenergetic, or indifferent and lazy; apathetic or sluggish inactivity.

This is how I've been feeling lately. Lethargic. It's most evident in my work. I'm struggling to simply work. I'm busy. I've got tons of stuff to do which usually inspires me, but for the last week, I sit at the computer and struggle to type. I want to spend my day on Facebook, even though I don't really like Facebook. I read the same articles over and over again in the paper and my obsession with gossip blogs is through the roof. It's like I'm finding any excuse in the world not to work. And it bugs me.
 
Although it's very evident in my work, this lethargy is taking hold of other aspects of my life. I haven't opened a book in about two weeks which is so unlike me as I've usually got a few on the go at a time. I hadn't blogged in almsot a month until I forced myself to do so yesterday. I wrote my piece for a newspaper freelance gig I have back home at the last minute because I just couldn't be bothered to write. I'd rather lay in my room watching movies 24/7. It's a depressing lifestyle. Not one that I am accustomed to.
 
This has happened to me before for brief periods of time, mostly when I was working for the govermenment and well, let's face it, that's an excuse enough in itself! But what's bothering me the most is this dread I have that I don't really like what I'm doing. I used to think I didn't like working for the government, but I'm starting to believe that it is the subjet matter and not the office that made me so miserable.
 
I don't think I like communications anymore. I was trained as a journalist but never really sought out that career as I was sucked in by the money and security of the government. I thought to myself, "communications is sort of like journalism." Well, it's not, and in the end, it's quite boring.
 
I know a lot of people work jobs they don't really enjoy. It's a part of life. And with my jobs right now, it's not all about communications. It's about communities and local organizations and building up their capacities so they can better serve their communities. So many of the organizations I work for are dedicated to child welfare and empowering children and teens. I respect and admire them and truly want to do my part in helping the organizations thrive.
 
So, I need to get my head out of my ass. Seriously. Who cares if communications isn't my passion? I have passions and while they might not be part of my employment today, eventually they will be if I so desire. This is an opportunity for me to learn more about myself - my likes, dislikes, strengths and weaknesses.
 
During my time in Botswana, I've learned that I enjoy working with children. Back home, I loath them. No joke. But here, it's different. Children suffer through unimaginable hardship and yet do so with a smile on their face. I'm not implying that all kids are happy smilly children. They aren't. But there is something special about working with kids in need. I learn so much more from them than I could ever teach them.
 
Therefore, my homework for the rest of the week is: Attitude of Gratitude. I need to be grateful to be here, to be healthy and relatively happy and simply accept that I am not 100 % happy with my choice of career so far. I'm on my third one anyways, so I know that I can change and move on as I please.